he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
