He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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