Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my poor anus
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
