how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
