I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
