But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Drunk is a universal language darling
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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