i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
