I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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