you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
