we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
