Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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