At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
