My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
