i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
