I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
