Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
