hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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