i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
