i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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