ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
