So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
