dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im six kinds of drunk right now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
