if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
