Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
