My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
