After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
