So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize