Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
