Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
