Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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