I hate your face
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
