remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
