He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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