hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love you. Go after that dick
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
