i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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