I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
