Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
