Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
