My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
