hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
