i think i have two assholes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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