I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
