Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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