I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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