fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
