my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
