Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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