Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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