I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
