Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
