I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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