just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
