and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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