I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
