i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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