I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
