I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
