maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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