Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
