His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
