you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
