were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
