my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We have so much sex to catch up on
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
