my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
