I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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