She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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