And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
