Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
