One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just had sex on a roof
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
