Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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