I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
