Capitaan dildo arrescate!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
