Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
