Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize