Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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