Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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