you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
