The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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